March 13th.....Sunshine

The weekend has been a good one. Saturday I woke up to nothing but sunshine. I love the Sun, and I love being outside. Brooklyn and I spent a big part of our day working in the yard and cleaning out the van. We got tons done, but that was not enough. We talked Sam and the boys and a few friends to go for a walk at the river. What a beautiful day!
The river is very full right now. Which I think is kinda scary. I have never been a fan of water. I hate water skiing, flying over water, the ocean, or any kind of boat ride. I will never go on a cruise, no way no how! The sad thing is I know how to swim and I hate water this bad.
The river was very dirty and moving very fast. But that didn't seem to stop the boys who kept trying to get as close as they could. But that was not hard because the water was right by us.
After our trip to the water we headed for frozen yogurt at our new Sweet C's C's yogurt shop. The kids loved it and it was a perfect end to our successful weekend.

March 9th....Rain, Rain and more Rain.

Today is Wednesday and it just keeps on raining. I like the rain but there is one problem when it is dark and rainy out side I don't want to do anything. I just want to sleep, eat, and sleep. What do they do in Washington or Oregon when that is all it does is rain? I can't ever live there, I need sunshine.
I have been trying to get things boxed up and get the house staged. Not such and easy thing to do with a house full of kids. The boys keep getting mad at me because I am boxing up there toys. They told me they have nothing to do. Which is true for a few more weeks, but then they will be out doors and they will not care. The garage is filling up with boxes and I have rooms in my house the echo. Will it ever end?

March 6th...all I could do is laugh

Yes, I do have break downs every now and then. Thursday was one of those days. It has been a really rough week. Russ has been dealing with a lot of issues. I have been trying to help him talk through them. Sam is also being a teenager and with that comes a lot of crying. My 3 boys are being well...BOYS. I am trying to decide what to do with our house. I am trying to exercise and figure out how to loose the baby weight. With all of this I had just had one of the "God I can't do any thing else moments". A good friend happened to give me a call and she said many nice things and helped me through my moment, but I also broke down and cried. The phone conversation got over and I went about my day. A few hours later I went to Gage's speech class. When you get to the building you have to check in and get a badge. The secretary gave me a funny look and said "Honey I don't mean to embarrass you but you have makeup running all down your face. The bathroom is over there." All I could do is laugh, Gage look at me and said Mom why are you laughing? I look at the secretary and said, well now you know I have been crying all day! Then I went to the bathroom and took care of my black face. The really sad thing is between the phone call and the speech class my neighbor came over to give me some stuff to mail to Russ. I talked to her for a little while and she never said anything. But she acted very strange and keep asking me if I was OK and if there was anything she could do. Now I know why, I looked like a freak.

Spring is here

Spring has hit Indiana, so we decided to take a Sunday walk along the river. I think everyone else thought a walk was a great thing to do because the river front was packed. I am so glad we have made it to March. I love spring and all that comes with it. The green grass, the sunshine, new life, spring cleaning, I could go on and on.

February 24, 2011- Trying to keep up

It is Thursday morning, and a rainy one it is! The weather here has been so beautiful the past week. One day it got up to 75' and sunny. I can't complain it is February. I am so ready for spring. I miss the green grass, the flowers, the warm weather, my kids playing outside and YES I miss the humidity. I never thought I would ever say that, but I do.
I love rainy days too. They are the days that you can cuddle up on the couch and play with the kids, or read a book. I have set a goal to read more this year.
It is dark outside and the boys are sleeping in. The girls however went to school grumpy because they wanted to stay inside and watch it rain. Well, the rainy season is here and we will enjoy it. Bring on the green grass, I can't wait.
The past few weeks I have been making my lists and getting ready to check them off. I have officially decided to put the house on the market. My goal is to use srping break to get it 100% ready. With kids home for a week I think we can manage this. We are going to clean, box, paint, and re-arrange. I am going to get a storage shed to move all the extra stuff out. Selling your house is no easy job. I know I tried it last year. But I have much faith that this is the year. When Russ gets home I don't want anything to stop us from being together.
We have no idea where we are moving too. All we know is that there is not a job here in Evansville Indiana. I just keep telling my Heavenly Father I will go where ever he wants me to, just let our family be together. This however could mean that our family will be homeless for much of the summer. Again that is OK, we have family and friends who will put up with us.
Please pray for a quick sell of our house.

February 18th, 2011

It has been a very long week. But I can say that it has been a successful week. I have learned so much about myself. I have decided that is what trials are for. They are for us to learn about ourselves, and to improve who we are. I set a goal for myself to be a better person when Russ gets home. I am working on that. Russ told me that he had a lesson on this at church. The person giving the lesson said how sad would it be if they are over in Afghanistan for a year and they came back the same person or worse. Russ has really taken this to heart. We have had many long conversations about us, our marriage and our family. Not that Russ has much room to improve, but he thinks there are areas he could try. I told him if he fixed those areas he might get translated. I think he is pretty much close to perfect.
So its Friday and I can now say another week done and over with. Thank goodness for the weekends.

It's all in a days work

Sticks and stones can break your bones but words will never hurt you, Whoever made this up is wrong!
Saturday I woke up to my ever so familiar alarm clock, EVAN. It was 5am and he was crying. I have not been letting him cry in the mornings because he wakes up the boys. I ran in and got him and got back into bed. Who can complain because he snuggles right up against me and eats away. When he is finished eating he goes right back to sleep and I can quietly put him back in bed.
The problem is I never can go right back to sleep. Thus why I am typing this at 6:30 on a Sunday morning.
I decided to get up and clean the house and then off to the gym. My new goal is to make it to the gym 3 times a week. Yes my first week was successful.
I had a great work out finished at 8:50 and then back home to pick up the boys for TKD, back into town I went. When the boys finished we hurried back home to get Brooklyn for Gymnastics. I had 30 min jumped into the shower. Then off Boo and I went. Came back home cleaned up started the lovely Saturday morning striping of the sheets and washing them. Then back to get Brooklyn. Back home I fed the boys lunch, loaded the dishwasher, and played with Evan.
Brooklyn and I fed and took care of the neighbors dogs for 3 days and made $40.00. We decided to go out to lunch together, so off we went. We took Evan with us, had lunch, went to Walmart, and then found a cute, NEW, frozen yogurt place. WE had to try it. Back home again I decided to install a new door handle on our front door. It was successful and only took me 1 hour to accomplish this. I cleaned up the mess vacuumed the house, and then crashed on the couch. After my 45 min nap I got up and off the boys and I went. Our local High Schools were having Semi-finals in Wrestling and I thought it would be the best way for the boys to really see how to wrestle. They started wrestling last week and it is hard to understand why people are telling them what they are,without seeing a real match. On the way to the stadium Logan says
Logan- Mom why are you fatter than Dad?
MOM- I have had 6 kids and your Dad has had 0.
Logan- So
MOM- When you have babies your body gets fat and each time you have to work really hard to get back into shape. I have not done that yet, but I am working on it.
Logan- You should work harder.
MOM- Does it embarrass you that I am fat? ( I went to his school to help with the Valentines party and he would not speak to me or look at me).
Logan- After minutes of silence......Yes, Don't come to my school.
How do you tell a 6 year old that he just hurt your feelings by being honest? All week long I have been talking to him about honesty and how you should always tell the truth and if you do you will get in way less trouble than if you lie.
Yep, it hurt me really bad! But great incentive to get to the gym.
After watching the wrestling matches we went for a little dinner at Culvers. We found friends there and so we stayed and talked. The boys loved it and I was glad to have some adult conversations. I have now taken all 4 kids on a date and feel that my Saturday was more than successful. Yes, Sam and I are going out this week. She didn't get left out.

February Something

I have no idea what day it is and guess what I don't really care. All I know is that it is Wednesday and the boys have school. It is Gage's treat day and show in tell. The boys have wrestling tonight and Sam has personnel training. Other than that who cares?
I had a really bad day yesterday. I was on the phone with the IRS fro 3 hours, got hung up on twice, and after all of that they told me that they shouldn't even be talking to me because Russ is deployed and they are not allowed to call or send letters to family of deployed soldiers. I was so mad that I went to the gym and ran 6 miles. It felt so great.
However I have only worked out one other day in the last 3 months. Needless to say I am in much pain today. I did realize as I was running that I really need to spend more time at the gym. I love to go and work out and if I do I don't have any energy to get angry with my kids after. They should be begging me to go.
I did get to talk to Russ this morning. It was a great call and no one was in line so after his 25min were up he called again. I got to talk to him for 30 whole minutes and I loved every minute of it.
I says he will be home mid August so we are half way done. Now if I can just stay focused for the next 6 months.

February 7, 2011

It's Monday and the house is quiet for just a minute. The girls are at school and the boys are sleeping. I have just a minute to blog. I made it to church yesterday. Sam stayed home she was not feeling well. I had so many mixed feelings yesterday some of which I will not talk about and some I will.
I have been praying for many weeks and had not come up with an answer to my problem. Yesterday when I least expected an answer it came. It was all because I made it to church to take the sacrament. Right as I was taking it I got my answer and I started to cry. It was such an amazing feeling. I know that the Lord is there and watching over me. But sometimes I just need to be reminded. I almost gave in and stayed home from church. I am so glad that I listened to the spirit.
I had a friend tell me the other day that one Sunday her husband didn't want to go to church. They had a long week, and he felt that he needed to stay home and get some things done. She knelt down and prayed and ask for help. She didn't want to make him feel bad, but she thought that they needed to go to church. After offering her prayer she went to her husband and said. We are asking a lot from our Heavenly Father right now. She listed the things they were in need of. Then she said "All he is asking of us is to go to church". With in minutes her husband was ready and out the door they went. I have thought a lot about that. Right now I am asking a lot from my Heavenly Father. If I can't even give up 3 hours on Sunday to go worship him how can I expect him to bless me with all that I am asking for.

February 4th, 2011

I am not doing so great on my journal keeping, and so much has happened in the past week.
Where to start Sunday January 30th we all stayed home from church. Sam had finally got the flu bug and with everyone else just getting better I thought it best to keep all from going.
We did have a short meeting at our house. I read to the kids the message that is on the post pervious to this one. I got out the Cpt. Moroni picture and a picture of Russ in his full battle uniform. We talked about putting on the whole armor of God and what that means. We wrote things on strips of paper that we thought we could do to protect ourselves from the world. The kids came up with Pray, read scriptures, family home evening, Honesty, strong testimony, go to church, stay away form evil, do what the prophet asks. Then Gage got to be our Soldier and we stuck the papers on him. We then talked about how Gage is now prepared to go into battle here in Evansville Indiana. It was a great lesson and the boys loved it. Thanks to Russ!
However it was a very long Sunday the kids got board. Brooklyn tried her best to help me entertain the boys. Later that night the kids were playing around and I heard a loud thud and Logan came running into the kitchen he had blood all over his face. I had no idea what he hit or where to even look for the cut. His whole face was cover. Asking, well yelling at Brooklyn to tell me what happened, found out it was his mouth. He had slipped on the tile and fell face forward knocking out his front tooth and cutting his lip. NO....his tooth was not loose. I got him all cleaned up and then he looked at himself and started screaming. He is way to vain, he then fell asleep crying about how ugly he looks. He told us the next morning he was not going to school until he had a new tooth. He is now OK with all of it but the other front tooth is loose and he will not let me touch it.
I was so glad when I woke up and it was Monday, yea a new week! Ya right, my weeks are all the same. Sam stayed home from school on Monday, on Tuesday everyone was back in school. The weather man said there was a storm coming our way. I went to the store and got prepared for a snow day, it never happened. But I am ready for the next one.
On Tuesday I was feeding the baby and I was watching the Today show. They were talking about women's health. Now here is were my week really goes down hill. I had to sit there and listen, BIG mistake. A week ago I tested my blood sugar, it was not a good test. I got a little worried. After listening to the lecture on TV about how women don't take care of themselves I decided that I was really going to have February be take care of Amy month. So I made a doctor apt. I got a friend to watch the 2 boys and I took Evan with me. My apt. was on Thrusday at 9:15 at 8:50 I got the boys out to the car and realized that they had shut the door and I had not grabbed the car keys. I went back to the door and it was locked. How many times have I told myself to get a spare key? There I was tuck in the garage with 3 kids and it was about 10' outside. Luckly I had grabbed my cell. I called a friend and told her to come help. As I was waiting for her I got really mad. Why was this happening I was trying to take care of myself? I really needed to get to the Doctor. I got got everyone ready we were in the car on time and now this. Then I saw it..... a huge wrench. I picked it up and wet to the door and beat the door knob off the door. Then I stuck a long screw driver in the hole and what do you know the door opened. My friend arrived and was in shock at what she saw. She took the boys to my other friends house so I could get to the Doctor. I called and let them know what had happened and that I would be late. When I go there they all wanted to hear my crazy story....and they got a good laugh. But everyone keep asking what I was going to do about the door? I keep thinking...what do you mean I am going to go buy a new knob and fix the stupid thing.
I saw the doctor and got yelled at. She really lectured me about what I am doing in my life. The bottom line....... was when she said to me, your kids are going to be orphaned. You will die and your husband will be in Afghanistan. Then will you find time to take care of yourself? I thought about that all the way home as tears are running down my face. What have I done? I am the mother of 5 kids one is a teenager, one is a pre-teen, and then 2 very active boys and a teething baby. I have no husband. I get up at 5 am(for good) and start breakfast and I don't stop until my head hits the pillow around 10pm. Then I thought in that day how often did I do something for me. Then answer is 0.
OK.........I am working on a new plan for my life. I will write more and let you know how it works out
.....................by the way I did fix the door knob all by myself!

January 30, 2011......thoughts

I have had many thoughts going through my mind the past week. I only wish that I could put them into words so that more than just me could understand them. I don't have the gift for writing or even speaking I know what I want to say but I can never get it to come out the right way. O-well here goes nothing. I am sure there is only a few if anyone that read this.
I have thought a lot about my BIG family the past week. I am the mother of 5 children, I think nothing of it. I choose to have everyone of them. I take care of them and provide for them. Well I say I, I mean Russ and I. I have had a few experiences in the past month were I have been asked about my choice to have many children. I have had been lectured about birth control even offered it at the grocery store. My kids get comments from teachers, friends and even neighbors. But the bottom line is this my friends....I choice to have these kids and no one else. I am their mother 24 hours a day, seven days a week for the rest of my life. So when the rest of the world looks at me like I am crazy, well let them look. I am happy at that is all that matters.
My neighbor, a man in his late 40's told me a story the other day. He and his wife have never had children, she has one daughter from her first marriage. When we first moved in 3 1/2 years ago he come over and said to Russ, from Utah? ( I guess he saw our license plates) Russ said yes! How many kids do you have, we have 4. That was all he asked. Well he was the first one to my door when he got our Christmas card announcing baby number 5 was on it's way.
Here is his story, he told me how when we first moved in the whole neighborhood thought it was the worst ever. A HUGE family from Utah(probably mormons) was moving in. They were not happy about it. That would mean kids running ever where, a trashy house and yard and no means of control anywhere. He said that he has talked to many of our neighbors and that is not what people think anymore. When we thought we were moving all of our neighbors were sad. They would miss our family. He would miss our family. He told me how I had a sense of peace about me and so did my children. He said your home is always neat and clean and every time I come in there is a feeling of peace and happiness. He then said I just can't put my finger on it but you are different I have never meat anyone like you.
Hum...I thought if only the rest of the people that look at me with my 5 kids could see what he was able to see over the past few years. Well some do! Samantha's 5th grade teacher ( a very mean lady) told me at the end of the year that she enjoyed having Samantha in her class. She said that if all of my children were like Samantha to keep them coming she would teach everyone of them.
My other thought has been about putting on the whole armor of God. This has come to my mind because of Russ. I asked him if I would tell him our family night topic a week ahead if he could write to the kids his feeling about it. This way they could hear from Russ even if he was not here. This week our family topic is on Honesty. I gave the topic to Russ and Sam is doing Family Night. Here is what I got back from Russ.

Devotional Message: This is a hard time

The 27th section of the Doctrine and Covenants is one of my favorites. There are three or four major messages wrapped up in the one small scripture. It was given a short two months after the Church was organized and the Prophet Joseph was struggling with multiple difficult issues. Many of us know this scripture as the one designating water to be used in the sacrament or as one of the most explicit “whole armor of God” scriptures. But if you read the whole story written here there is a wonderful message that applies directly to us here in Afghanistan.

The Prophet is hurrying off to get wine for a sacrament service they are about to hold when the Lord tells him to stop. He gives him new directions for the sacrament but also warns him that he must be very careful because he is going through difficult times. He tells him not to worry that there will be good times ahead. He then tells him that right now he needs him to do some hard and difficult things and that he must put on the whole armor of God to protect himself and serve.

You are in Afghanistan now and serving your family, country and God. You are doing what you have been called to do. Good times will come in the future, but not right now. This is a hard time, which you have been called to go through, both physically and spiritually. You are facing many enemies, both physical and spiritual, but they must be fought and overcome.

I can bear testimony to you that as with the Prophet Joseph, our Heavenly Father knows you have been called to this work and he knows the magnitude of the calling. He knows who you are. He knows your name. He knows what is in your heart. He knows your worries and fears. He loves you and is grateful for your sacrifice. He knows what it means to put on the whole armor of God and the courage it takes. He knows what it means to be a service member here and the courage it takes everyday to face your challenges.

He will help you. He will hear and answer your prayers. He will be with you as you struggle with each of the challenges we must accomplish here. You can talk to him by praying and you can listen to him by reading your scriptures. And when you have finished your work here, there will a joyful time when you can again rejoin your family and live in the blessed light of our Savior.

May each of us go forward this week with the sure knowledge that we have been called to a difficult time in our lives, but that it is a calling the Lord knows we can accomplish. He will live up to his promise. If we do our best and complete the tasks he has given us, better times are coming. But those better times can only come if we complete to tasks he has set for us to do.

As a District Presidency we pray and worry about each of you everyday. May the Lord bless and keep you through this week. Know that we love you and are here to serve you.

N. Winn Noyes
First Counselor

Russ went on in his own words about how he feels that being honest is one way that we put on the whole armor. He shared some experiences with me this week of soldiers that have not been honest and that because of there choice to be dis-honest they may get kicked out of the army. I am so thankful for this message and the reminder that it is just as important to put on the Armor of God as it is to put on armor to go and fight a battle.

So there you have it a few thoughts, I have many more but the baby is crying.

January 27, 2011

It has been a long week for me. I have had sick kids, PMS, snow days, teething baby, stressed out teenager, broken vinyl machine, and it all started with an email from Russ letting me know that he had been hit by a rocket. When your husband tells you that everything else seems so stupid.
Last Tuesday Russ was in the restroom washing his hands before eating. He was with a few other officers when the heard it. They hit the floor. A rocket hit the Chow hall. I don't know much more than that. He did have soldiers in the chow hall but they are all alive and being taken care of.
I have been thinking all week about what else he told me. He should have been in the chow hall but one of the officers was finishing up on the computer and they all waited for him. Then they went together. He had a feeling on the way to the chow hall to go to another one but dismissed the feeling.
I know that I am praying daily, sometimes hourly for his safe return. I know that there are many many others doing the same thing. Our prayers are being answered. In more ways than we will ever know. Russ learned not to dismiss any feelings or promptings. He is very grateful that he was still protected. Thank you so much for your prayers.
My week is almost over. I have been able to talk to Russ many times this week for this I am so grateful.
I think this week has really made me stop and think about the things that really are important to me. The things that I let get in my way or stop my progression on the path of life. It is so easy to get off tract. But then again it is really easy for something to get you right back on tract.

January 20,2011

Yep I was right another snow day. Only this time at 5 am when I looked outside there was no snow to be seen. I was in trouble, I told Sam to go to bed and she could work on her homework tomorrow because the news had just said there would be 4 inches of snow in the morning.
I turned on the TV and guess what it had the School canceled alert on. What, Why, there is no snow. Only in Evansville Indiana do we close school because there might be a snow storm.
Just so you know it is now 8:30am and the snow is coming down.
But this has made me stop and think about My Life. I grew up in Providence Utah. It is a small town out side of Logan Utah and if you still don't know it is about as far North as you can go in Utah without going into Idaho. My Mother has lived there all her life and her Mother and Father.
My Father grew up in California, Arizona, and then in high school moved to Utah. So much of my life I only knew about or heard about Utah. I never thought I would ever move away. But my moving has been a blessing. It has been fun to see that everything is not just like Utah. Everyone does things different. Here are a few examples of what I am talking about.
I think in Utah I can remember 2 times that school was closed because of snow. In the winter...it snows everyday. Here we close school because it might snow
In Iowa you take all snow clothes to school and unless it is below zero you go to recess. Here we only go out for recess if it is between 50-80' and not raining or snowing or even blowing.
Did you know that there are places where they cancel church for the weather? Not in Utah...
Here spring really comes before or around Easter.....not in May.
Rivers really are wide enough that you can't swim across them....rivers I saw growing up I could run across.
Rain storms.......I never knew it could rain so hard. It really can flood in a matter of hours. You can be out playing in the sun and in a matter of minutes it can change and you can be in a down pour.
Thunder and Lighting storms really do hurt your eyes and last hours.
Corn fields really do go for miles and miles and miles.
You can plant a garden in March....not Memorial Day weekend.
You can go trick or treating without a coat.
That is all I can think of. I will keep this post going. If you are from Utah and have moved away feel free to add your thoughts on the world VS Utah

January 19,2011

Today is catch up day. I have spent the last few days running around, talking to friends and being with kids. I have had no time to clean, do laundry, and do the little things on my to to list. We will see how many things I get done. I have already cleaned and vacuumed the house, Deep cleaned Samantha's room, dusted, bathed the boys, put Evan down for his nap, had a snack, wrote on the family blog, put in a load of laundry and helped Logan with homework...... and it is only 11:30.
When you write it all down it does not look so bad. Many days I feel like I do nothing. I always think how did I do nothing when I started working at 5am and now it is 10pm. The life of a mother, wouldn't trade it for the world.

January 17, 2011

It's Monday morning and boy did I hear about it. Both girls were not happy to be back at school. I heard the words I HATE Mondays many times this morning. I on the other hand was very glad it was Monday. It was a very busy weekend. Friday Sam was home from school again and we spent a while in the Doctors office. She is doing much better but still having a few issues. You know breathing really is important. On Saturday I took Brooklyn and 4 friends to the Olive Garden and shopping at the mall. This is all she wanted for her Birthday. Sam and her friend Madi tagged along. Our waiter at the Olive Garden was a little strange and the girls had fun listening to him. They all had fun at the Mall, they shopped, talked, put on make-up and even rode the carousel. But can I tell you I must be getting old because I was so tired when the day was done. I was glad that we did it because memories were made. I will never forget Sam and Madi staring at themselves in the mirror the whole time at the Olive Garden(they are so Vain).
Thanks to the Nagel family for watching Logan and Evan, what would I do without you. Thanks to Mr. Cody for playing with Gage and making his day the best ever.
Now it is time to start a new week. I wonder what this week will bring. I am OK if it is just a boring week, there is nothing wrong with that. It does look like snow is expected for later in the week. Hum....maybe if we have more snow days I can start my project. I will think about that.

January 13, 2011

Today was a delayed day at school. That is good because we don't have to make it up and we still get to sleep in.
Russ called for just a minute, he was just checking to make sure we were all OK.
Are we OK? I don't know! I think we are and then sometimes I think ....NO I AM NOT OK. I want my husband. Then I put things back into perspective and go on. It could be a lot worse, RIGHT?
Sam is not doing well! Her breathing has been not so normal. She is on steroids again and breathing treatments every 4 hours. i had to go get her at school today so she could come home and do one. She is trying to get it under control without going to the hospital. Today was piano lessons and Sam is going to try a different style of practicing. She is getting board with her piano books. We will see if it works. I hope so I don't want her to give up her piano lessons.
I am thinking of a project for me to work on. I need a distraction. Maybe I should just get my butt to the gym, easier said than done! I hate taking Evan there. They are not so nice to him and he crawls on the gross floor.

Conversation With Gage

Gage and I went shopping one day. He was in the back seat of the van and here is the question that was asked.
Gage:Mom, I don't know what I am going to be when I grow up.
Mom: I think it is OK you have some time. Do you have any ideas you want to talk about?
Gage: I don't want to have to go to work.
My thoughts: O great we have a Jared Olsen on our hands(my EX brother-in-law that can't hold a job).
Mom: I thought you wanted to have kids and a big house.
Gage: I do but I don't want to leave my kids or my house.
Gage: What does Jay's Dad do?
Mom: I explain in few words, he works at a big building and helps companies with telephone things.
Gage: Does he make lots of money?
Mom: Not lots of money but enough to have a nice house and kids.
Silence in the back of the Van....minutes later.
Gage: I want to be Brother Sims when I grow up. But can I live in Indianapolis? I want to live by the hotel with the water slide.
My thoughts: Why brother Sims and what is this kid thinking about.
Mom: Why do you want to be Brother Sims
Gage: He stays home with his family and he likes to play with Jay. Sometimes he plays with me and the other kids.
My thoughts: Can you just imagine what I was thinking. Tears were running down my face. I tried to explain to him that life is not always like this. There was a time when his Dad got to stay home and play. I asked him if he could remember when his Daddy worked at the Reserve center in Evansville. He said, No.
I know this past year has been hard on all of us. I think it has been very hard on Gage. He misses his Dad very much. He doesn't understand time and thinks that Russ will never come home to stay. I told him that Russ would come home and then he would work here and come home every night. After a few minutes he asked. Can I go to work with Dad. Why? I want to make sure he comes home at night. I love this kid, but he just thinks way to much.

January 12, 2011

Another snow day at our house. Not sure why the roads were fine, I should know. I got to go out and eat lunch with my friends. It was great! I love the girl friends that I have, I am very blessed.
There was more good news today. Russ was able to take time from his busy life to Skype us. It was great to see him, except he keep staring at his head. He said that he looks bald with the lights from the camera. He keep telling me that he is not bald. OK...I know you were here 10 days ago, you are not bald. I didn't have much to say to him but just to see him and know that he is OK was great. The kids were not interested in seeing or talking to him. They all had friends here and just wanted to play. Sam did want to talk to him and after awhile I let her talk and I left the room. She is going through a lot right now and she would rather talk to her Dad than me. I am OK with that, that is how it has always been. Russ did not have much to say. He went on a mission early this morning(I hate hearing that), but he was back safe and sound. I have no idea how he dares step foot off the base. It would scare me to death. I guess that is why I am here and he is there. He is very brave. Gage was being shy today and didn't dare to talk to Russ, not sure why!
More good news the neighbor just brought dinner over. She tries to bring dinner to us once a month. I told her not to but she said it was the least she could do. What a great example she is.

January 11, 2011

I woke up this morning at 5am. It was quiet, no baby crying, no one yelling Mom, and no alarm clock going off. Last night before I went to bed I watched the weather report and I knew that today would be a snow day. I got out of bed and look out the window, sure enough there was a blanket of white all over. I turned on the TV to confirm, across the bottom of the screen I read Warrick County-closed. I was so excited, I jumped right back into bed. The next thing I knew 2 little faces were looking at my. Logan had got Evan out of his bed and was standing there telling me that Evan wanted to eat. I looked at the clock and it was 7:10. I feed Evan and Logan cuddled up by me and waited. One by one the rest of the kids came in to snuggled in my bed. Well not the teenager, she was fast asleep in her bed and I did not see her until hours later.
We made breakfast together and the boys played the Wii. Boo and I tried to make Cinnamon Rolls but we failed. To much flour, I think! O-well we will try another day. It was a peaceful day. The kids got chores done and went out to play for awhile. I decided it was a good day to paint a wall in my room. Well I painted it months ago but needed to antique it. I finished it and I am still trying to decide if I like it.
I cleaned out the master bedroom closet. It was a task that has been a long time coming. I have two big black garbage bags ready to go to the goodwill. Will Russ be happy? Probably not! Most of it was his. It is all good I will have new stuff before he gets home.
We found a bag of Halloween candy in the back out the closet. So I let the kids play "Don't eat Pete". They love that game and loved having a little treat.
I did have an emotional break down about mid-day. I got a call from Russ on his cell phone. As soon as I see that number on the caller ID I know that our conversation will be very short. He tries to call everyday just to check and make sure we are all OK. The past 3 days he has been working lots so he has no extra time to go to the MWR phones( phones that are in a building that are free, but you only can be on them for 15 min.). I thought for sure that today he would be able to SKYPE us.
I miss him and really wanted to see him. I was hoping that today he could SKYPE because all of the kids were home and they want to talk to him. I sat on the couch and cried, Brooklyn let me know that I should be happy because she didn't get to talk to him at all. I told her that she is not married to him. She said I know but I have his blood in me and you don't. What could I say to that? I did the next best thing I turned on the DVD that he made for us and Evan and I watched him on the TV. Evan was so excited and sat and watched him, yep he knows who his Dad is. I got over my emotional break down and went out and shoveled the driveway. Later tonight I realized that Evan had pulled himself up to the bathtub then he tried to climb up the stairs. I am not ready for this.

It's My Life

The reason for this Blog is simple. Someday my kids will ask about my feelings when their Dad deployed and I will be able to hand them this book and they will know. I am realizing that I am getting old and forgetting things all to easy. Each day is a trial, some are better than others. But at the end of the day I am so grateful that It's My Life!

A Military Spouse Poem

I wear no uniforms, no blues or Army greens.
But I am in the Military in the ranks that are rarely seen.
I have no rank upon my shoulders
Salutes I do not give.
but the military world is the place where I live.
I am not in the chain of command, orders I do not get,
but my spouse does this I cannot forget.
I am not the one who fires the weapon or who puts my life
on the line, but my job is just as tough
I am the one that is left behind.
My spouse is a patriot, brave and full of pride.
And the call to serve their country, not all will understand.
Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this
country free.
My spouse makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me.
I love the person I married. Soldiering is their life,
but I stand among the silent ranks known as the
military spouse.......
Poem Unknown